So How Do Single Moms Date?

I’d like to know if there is some kind of handbook out there for single moms who want to start dating again. Some kind of guide book with all the rules and advice a thirty something single mom could use to find a decent single man. It sounds great but alas it has yet to exist. I say ‘yet to exist’ because I haven’t given up on the idea of writing it myself once I, in fact learn all the rules. Let’s face it ladies. Dating in general just plain stinks. Now add a divorce and a couple of kids to the mix and it’s like dating poison. I didn’t know what men wanted before I was married and had kids. It’s an even bigger mystery now post divorce and kids.

Six months after my divorce was final I decided it was time to get back into the dating game. However, I now had two small children to contend with as well. I wanted to start by getting my feet wet so to speak. But I had no idea how to do that. A good friend suggested using an online dating service. I had heard a little about these kinds of dating sites but had never checked one out for myself. The whole concept seemed strange to me and a little risky. I had heard horror stories about people meeting online only to find out the person they thought they were writing to was a psycho. My friend insisted I just try the dating site she used under their free trial membership. The next night I cautiously signed up and I was pleasantly surprised. Maybe this online dating stuff wasn’t so scary after all. So I placed my ad and immediately started chatting with people. I seemed to hit it off with a few men right away. After exchanging phone numbers and talking on the phone I was able to narrow down the selection. From there on I began my search for new love. I met a few really good men but for various reasons it didn’t work out. Now in my ad I very clearly posted that I had children so it shouldn’t have been a shock when I mentioned them. I learned a valuable lesson along the way. Some men would say in their ads that they wanted children and/or had no problem with a woman having children. Very often that just wasn’t the case. Every single man that replied to my profile all said they wanted children and “had no problem with me having kids". I should hope not. We’re a package deal. Now despite my efforts to separate my dating and my children they inevitably affected each other. There were times when I had to cancel a date suddenly because one kid was sick or the sitter backed out last minute. This proved to be a huge source of tension between myself and my dates. They resented our plans being broken. I did too but I was torn. What is a mother to do?

After many bad apples I found a good man. The kids adored him and my family approved. Things progressed nicely until it came time for the next step: SEX. It sounds so silly to even say this but how do single moms have sex! I mean I know how to have sex. I had two kids right. What I mean is the logistics of the whole thing. Would I feel weird being intimate with my kids just down the hall? Would he be totally turned off from the situation? I started to obsess about everything. Then I took a much needed deep breath and just relaxed. I figured it would happen naturally when the time was right. And it did. It wasn’t really weird, just different.

The next hurdle came with the idea of having an overnight guest. Just what was appropriate when there where young children in the house. I sought the advice of some of the moms at my daughter’s school. I also chatted online in a single mom’s chat room. Everyone had a different opinion ranging from NEVER having a man stay over while the kids were there to having a guest that left before the kids got up. My head was swimming and I was so afraid of making the wrong choice and confusing my children. Above all else they come first. I would give up dating if I thought it was damaging their emotional well-being. But they seemed healthy and well-adjusted. And it had taken me long enough to get back in the saddle. I didn’t want to bury my head in the sand again. I’m still not sure how to handle all the dating issues but I take them as they come one by one. Maybe when I get all the answers I’ll write that dating guide book after all.